What do you say?

K

I have been thinking what I would say for a couple of days now. When I first tried writing, it was a matter of what could I say, I couldn't say anything without crying. I have cried a lot in the past 7 days and I know there will be tears in the future as well. I know this is our story and it is the only story we can tell, even if we wish we could tell it differently. 

So K, this is what I know. I know on Monday, August 22 we received a phone call from B telling us about a 4 month old boy with the biggest and brightest brown eyes. I know we called family and friends rejoicing in our referral. We prayed and gave thanks for finally having a face to put with our wait. We fell in love. 

I know on Tuesday, September 6 we received a phone call from B telling us we had lost your referral. 

I know the three of us have been prayed for by many people. I know there are family, friends, and strangers still praying for us and the peace one finds within Him. Even though I know this, it doesn’t mean it is easier. I know I will always pray for your safety and well being as you grow. I know you will always be a part of this family.

Although you may never know we were part of your story, you are a large part of our journey. I know I will not get to hold you in my arms and parent you as you grow, but I know we will consider you our son.  

I know your brown eyes will not be the ones reading my letters to you during the wait. I know this is part of His plan, even if I do not understand it.  

Love,
Mom and Dad